When you’re young, you do like some almighty guff. Saved by the Bell: Hawaiian Style springs to mind as something that seemed very good at the time, but was in retrospect not exactly high art. The rise of the High School Musical franchise has shown that tween girls are a commercial force to be reckoned with. However, there is a limit to the crap they will take, and based on the audience reaction at the showing of New Moon I attended, the filmmakers are close to that limit. Many scenes were so cheesy that this very young audience just burst out laughing.
It doesn’t matter that New Moon has a terrible script, seriously iffy acting, and that the pacing is shot to hell, though; people will still watch it for two reasons. Firstly, it’s based on a tremendously popular series of books, like Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings, so people will be happy no matter how long and boring the films is, eager to see each beloved scene spring forth from their brain and onto the screen. Having a hit in this situation is fool proof, unless you cast Nicole Kidman, of course, in which case people will run away screaming (cf. The Golden Compass).
But they didn’t cast Nicole Kidman, they cast Robert Pattinson, the second reason it will be so popular. All he has to do (in fact, all he does do) is stand in the background and look moody, and the audience laps it up. That is until he takes off his top to reveal a pale torso and strange chest hair, when a collective ‘Ewwwww!’ was expressed from the crowd of 12-year-olds. Not the reaction I expected. Luckily New Moon has the added tween-girl-catnip of Taylor Lautner, a 17-year old who must have been stuffed full of protein shakes like a foie gras goose to produce his new rippled physique. His shirt is always off and the audience approved of his torso.
Following on from where Twilight left off, the film opens with Bella (Kristen Stewart) still madly in love with her vampire boyfriend Edward (Pattinson). But she is very worried because Edward is eternally young and she is ageing. Then Edward leaves her for a reason that is never explained, and she goes into a deep depression. Only her friend Jacob (Lautner) and his amazing abs can cheer up Bella, and he turns out to be a werewolf.
In a film with many problems, the main one is Bella. She is a whiny, characterless girl who when not moping is either bumping into things or putting herself in mortal danger. She has friends but doesn’t like them, no hobbies or interests and nothing to say for herself. Following her progress is like walking along a dark tunnel for a few hours with only a small light at the end of it, which turns out to be a rushed and very strange finale in Italy that wasn’t worth the trip.
The glimpses of Robert Pattinson’s eyes and Taylor Lautner’s fascinating new body are all the film has to recommend it. The Saved by the Bell summer special was really genius in comparison and about ten times more fun.
6 comments:
Thoughtful review, but cannot understand your snipe at Nicole Kidman. Though seem to recall in the 'Wolverine' review you also managed to diminish her compatriot to lower eschelons. Try reading 'Jessica' by Bryce Courtenay to challenge your seemingly jaundiced view of things down under - land of the kangeroo and a dragonfly, X
Hello Dragonfly - thanks for reading! My dislike of Nicole Kidman is nothing to do with her nationality, I assure you. Some of my best friends are Australian (well, one of my friends is Australian to be more exact).I love Hugh Jackman as Wolverine and one of my favourite films is Muriel's Wedding. Don't hate me!
My snipe was due to the fact that she is the worst value for money actress in Hollywood, and I think one of the reasons The Golden Compass was a flop was because everyone was so fed up of seeing her.
One Australian friend is better than none! 1993 was a good year for movies from there: "Pricilla Queen of the Desert" and "The Piano" aside from the one you mention as your favourite. Funny you have not listed "Muriels Wedding" in your introduction(s). No worries ... "Beaches" is another of your favourites, was that set in Spain? X
No, in America. Beaches is the ultimate weepie. Yes, that was a good period for Australian/New Zealand cinema.
Someone who has seen 'Beaches' says it is dated and saccharine. But the book was great and I could picture Cee Cee as Bet Midler. I finished it over the weekend, thanks for tip off. Still looking for 'Gattaca', went to four video shops and local library, but no luck. Oh well, as they say, all good things come to those who wait, patiently and in silence! X
Hello Dragonfly,
Yes, Beaches is saccharine and probably dated, but I still love it, probably because I saw it first when I was seven. It's not exactly my most highbrow film suggestion.
Laura
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