The Transformers toys were such a craze in the 80s because they required your input, they were both cars and robots, and one turned into a cassette (what was that about?). The animated series that was created to sell them was surprisingly good too. And so we now have the inevitable and highly anticipated film adaptation by Michael Bay, king of the mindless blockbuster. It delivers just what you expect: lots of really cool robots fighting, lots of cars going really fast, and lots of in-jokes and references for fans. Unfortunately, since it’s a Michael Bay film, it also delivers the wafer-thin plots and ridiculous characters you expect.
Thousands of years ago the planet of Cybertron was devastated by the war between the Autobots (decent robots that can change their shape) and the Deceptacons (power-hungry, evil robots that can change their shape). This war is now spilling over into our world, as both sides try to find a mysterious and powerful cube that is somewhere on Earth. For reasons that are not unclear, but stupid, only a geeky teenager (Shia LaBeouf) can save the day – with the help of his new robot friends, of course.
The story also follows other people affected by the robot invasion, including a soldier, a politician, and a ridiculously pretty and made-up (just when does she find time to re-apply her lip-gloss?) computer geek, who is also inexplicably Australian. Everyone seems to be inexplicably Australian at the moment. Well, people in House and Sue Thomas: F.B.Eye are too, and I call that a pattern. It was weird for me to see Jon Voight (oh, Coming Home, how I love you so!) playing the Defence Secretary squaring up against a bunch of robots, but even weirder to see Barton Fink (John Turturro) playing a moody official.
The Transformers themselves are definitely the most interesting and the most realistic things in the film; the CGI is outstanding. Those Citroën adverts that everyone loves, with the silly burpy music, have been royally trumped by these robots. It is a little hard to follow the fight scenes, since they become clumps of moving, twisted metal, but Optimus Prime, Bumblebee and Co. are never less than astonishing. The script is full of silly jokes, and the frenetic pace and schizophrenic editing mean that you could never be bored watching it, even if you really wanted to. The discerning art house cinema regular will want to, though, and will feel dirty after seeing it. But if you’re a fan of Transformers or silly Hollywood action films, then you will definitely have fun. All in all, a bit of a laugh, but not a film to analyse on the way home.
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